this is the story of a girl.

jdspensieri @ 2006-09-13T14:46:00

2006-09-13T18:56:54Z

aejkrbga;e
sheesh.
we'll see.

jdspensieri @ 2006-07-30T21:13:00

2006-07-31T01:13:56Z

<td align="center"> juliana lisa diluca --
[noun]:

A human transformer (Robot in disguise)

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

jdspensieri @ 2006-07-11T19:53:00

2006-07-12T03:43:28Z

wow. i had the weirdest series of dreams last night. even after a whole day they were still vivid, so i decided it was worth looking up what it all meant.

Hotel
To see a hotel in your dream, signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking.

Vomiting
To dream that you are vomiting, indicates that you need to reject or discard an aspect of your life that is revolting. There are some emotions or concepts that you need to confront and then let go.

Vampire
To see a vampire in your dream, symbolizes seduction and sensuality, as well as fear and death. The vampire represents contrasting images of civilized nobility and aggression/ferocity. It may depict someone in your waking life whose charm may ultimately prove harmful. Deep down inside you know that this person is bad for you, yet you are still drawn to it. Vampires also sometimes relate to decisions about sex and losing your virginity. Alternatively, to see a vampire suggests that you are feeling physically or emotionally drained.

i find this all the be extremely weird and uncomfortably relevant.
dreams are wild.

jdspensieri @ 2006-06-30T01:08:00

2006-06-30T05:11:20Z

friggin... raaAAHHH!@

jdspensieri @ 2006-03-14T16:15:00

2006-03-14T21:15:18Z

bliss

jdspensieri @ 2006-02-27T21:17:00

2006-02-28T02:21:07Z

hey everyone - i just made the past entry friends only because i think that everyone i wanted to see it saw it . if you still want to see it for some reason and dont have a livejournal or arent on my friends list, lemme know.

jd.

EDIT:
Okay, so apparently some people have their panties all up in a bunch over my entry. I think I should clarify a few things that apparently aren’t as clear as I had thought. This entry has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone but ‘the group’. If you don’t know who ‘the group’ consists of, or you not part of ‘the group’, then that means it has nothing to do with you. if it has nothing to do with you, you shouldn’t worry about it. It’s not your ish. I stand by what i said, and I believe what that it was received well by those for whom it was written. I could care absolutely less about anything anyone else does on their free time. I don’t have a problem with drinking at all, & if you party harder than me, then hey that’s great. This entry was about me venting my frustrations with my friends. It was not an attack on society by any means. This entry was also about me letting my friends know how I was feeling. If you’re not my friend, or not a part of that group, then my entry does not pertain to you or what you do in any way. Anyone who was involved or anyone who wanted to talk to me about it (besides those named “anonymous”), I talked to about it. If you have an overwhelming problem with anything I said and you would like to take it up with me, by all means do so, but I am not interested if you remain anonymous.
So, if my entry has nothing to do w/ you, keep doing what you’re doing. Party hard & have fun.

it’s over – chill.

Im only putting this in here becuase its something i looked at every dya

2006-02-17T05:08:36Z

TO DO!!!!

- envi sci project?
- photo project on food
- write summary of tv show & assignment on different kinds of anthropologists
- read to page 200something in the d'urbervilles & takes notes to use for SP
- annotated works sited page!!
- start notecards
- 150 word essay for italian on the olympics
- CLEAN ROOM
- get a new bathing suit for cruise

jdspensieri @ 2006-02-13T21:01:00

2006-02-14T02:01:00Z

i got accepted into New York University's General Studies Program today, and i am very happy.

Self Portrait

2006-01-21T18:02:58Z

jdspensieri @ 2006-01-11T18:57:00

2006-01-11T23:57:18Z

bronchitis, sick.

jdspensieri @ 2006-01-07T21:53:00

2006-01-08T03:57:22Z

i am sick
i sound like death
it's pretty disgusting
when i was reffing today, some very uncouth mother said "is that her voice or is she sick??" right infront of me, so i said "shes sick." what a loser. i hope i made her feel stupid. what if it really was my voice. i shouldda T-ed her up. right. like i can do that.
i am super-stressed because i have so much to do and absolutly no energy.
this sucks.
bye.

jdspensieri @ 2006-01-02T19:21:00

2006-01-03T00:21:32Z

what now.

jdspensieri @ 2005-12-23T19:30:00

2005-12-24T00:31:08Z

jdspensieri @ 2005-10-25T21:41:00

2005-10-26T01:42:31Z

you have no idea.

jdspensieri @ 2005-10-18T20:42:00

2005-10-19T00:43:37Z

i've been feeling like crap a lot lately.

jdspensieri @ 2005-08-22T17:06:00

2005-08-22T21:07:00Z

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Juliana
Birthday:	12-30
Birthplace:	stoneham?
Current Location:	melrose
Eye Color:	hazel
Hair Color:	brown
Height:	5`1
Right Handed or Left Handed:	righty
Your Heritage:	italian
The Shoes You Wore Today:	only socks
Your Weakness:	hugs
Your Fears:	meh
Your Perfect Pizza:	3 cheese
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	get into a good college
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	i say "just" too much
Thoughts First Waking Up:	what time is it?
Your Best Physical Feature:	my abs of steel!!! actually, i like my hands
Your Bedtime:	12ish
Your Most Missed Memory:	last summer
Pepsi or Coke:	pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King:	burger king
Single or Group Dates:	totally depends
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocloate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	nope
Do you Swear:	i have my moments
Do you Sing:	you bet
Do you Shower Daily:	yup
Have you Been in Love:	yes
Do you want to go to College:	yes
Do you want to get Married:	yes
Do you belive in yourself:	for the most part
Do you get Motion Sickness:	...yeahh
Do you think you are Attractive:	i have good days
Are you a Health Freak:	no way
Do you get along with your Parents:	50/50
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yes
Do you play an Instrument:	flute & piccolo
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	no
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yes?
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	no
Ever been called a Tease:	sorta
Ever been Beaten up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	no
How do you want to Die:	in sleep
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	an orthodontist?
What country would you most like to Visit:	italy
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	no preference
Favourite Hair Color:	light brown
Short or Long Hair:	longer
Height:	tall
Weight:	medium
Best Clothing Style:	metro-ish
Number of Drugs I have taken:	none
Number of CDs I own:	i dont own many, but i have a lot on ym computer
Number of Piercings:	2 and a half
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	0
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

jdspensieri @ 2005-07-06T20:30:00

2005-07-07T00:37:21Z

today i worked for 9 hours.

then i had a staff meeting for another 3.

when i woke up this morning and went out to my car, i discovered that i had left my driver's side window completely open.

by the time i got to work not only was every part of me that touched the seat soaking wet,

but my underwear was suctioned to my ass,

as well as a nice wet line across my lap from the seat belt.

yet, for some reason, its not so bad.

why?

because at the staff meeting i got to take a sludge hammer and rip down a wall.

fuck yeah.

jdspensieri @ 2005-06-29T23:34:00

2005-06-30T03:35:55Z

today i had a very good day.

remember those nights

2005-06-23T23:59:53Z

i am very mixed up.

i don't even know what my feelings are right now, to tell you the truth. sometimes i’m sad, sometimes i’m lonely, sometimes im angry, but a lot of the time i’m just plain confused.

maybe the most confusing part is that i don’t know what im reacting to. im not sure if my feelings are in response to the actions of others towards me, or if they are in reaction to certain realizations im coming upon and having a hard time accepting.

i mean, let's face it, a really big part of my life has changed. i know what you're thinking, "its just a high school relationship", and yes, that is true, but look at it the other way... the person who i've given the most of myself to ever isn't there anymore. well sure, he is technically there, but it isn’t there. you cant explain "it" unless you've had it, and felt it, and it is something that everyone deserves to experience.

as summer rolls around, it reminds me of this time last year. somehow this hyper lanky kid swept me off my feet. he was the first person to ever make me feel that way. he was the first person i never had any doubts about or awkwardness with. he was the first person that ever talked to me on the phone at three in the morning. he was the only person i could never get tired of. he was the best giver of hugs, and the best wiper of tears. he was the only person in the seventeen years of my life who was able to get me to open up. there is, as cliché as it sounds, a part of me that only he had and only he will ever have.

it is very difficult for me to accept that things have changed. on top of the fact that i have a horrible time with change, i guess in the back of my mind i always had this feeling that he'd always be there, even though i knew he wouldn’t. once you become so close and so comfortable with someone it's dead scary to just let it go.

i wish that everything could go back to the way it was before. before it got so serious, before it got so involved, before it got so tense, before it got so...much.

sometimes i just get so ANGRY. angry at so many different things. i get angry at the fact that we aren’t the same people anymore. i get angry at how he can be the person i fell in love with and change in the snap of a finger. i get angry because i cant tell if he's doing certain things to push me away, or if he doesn't know what else to do, or if he doesn’t even know what he's doing. i get angry that our extremes of mature and immature personalities don’t balance each other like they used to. I GET ANGRY because it's easier. while all of these, in addition to a few others, seem valid to me, i do have a very bad tendency to get angry when i can't deal with how much it really does hurt me deep down inside.

i guess from the outside right now it seems like it wouldn't be this difficult. it is.

"sometimes not everything makes sense, juliana". nothing has ever had any sense with him. absolutely nothing. that is maybe part of the reason why i don't know what to do. i haven’t the slightest clue as to what is "best" - such a subjective word. all i know is that i had to get this out. in words, on paper.

yours truly,
juliana

ps. it's okay to let a boy make you cry, it means you felt something.

jdspensieri @ 2005-06-12T20:51:00

2005-06-13T03:02:30Z

i have more going on inside my head right now than it is safe to imagine.

i think its about time for a big entry.

tomorrow.

for now, i'm hoping for a good dream.

MHS Junior Prom 2005

2005-05-21T18:53:50Z

fanueil hall

breakfast

tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap

2005-03-22T01:04:39Z

Well, my week has been wavy.
Last week started out really badly…it consisted of long conversations about lots of things. Pero`, I believe it was for the greater good.
I went to sleep between 9 and 1030 every night last week. How do you beat that? I can think of a few ways.
I felt really proud of myself and in the right place again for the first time in a while.
On Friday Kristen and I went into boston to take pictures! Well actually I took pictures and Kristen pretended like she wasn’t with me every time I was taking pictures of something weird. It was a nice way to switch it up
Then bobby came over and we watched American Beauty. It was a bittersweet night -if that’s even the right way to describe it. I don’t think it is. It was a necessary night.
Saturday morning i finished my roll up w/ bobby during the day, and then went over to kris’s to see her beautiful prom dress later on that night. I came home early cause I felt yucky
I woke up worse and had a really really bad day on Sunday. It turned out to end pretty well, though.

I think ive learned this week that I need to chill the fuck out. I like being ridiculous, and squibbly, and laughing till it hurts. There was a period there where I did none of the above. I don’t intend to be like the in the future.

Okey dok -bye

jdspensieri @ 2005-03-13T16:01:00

2005-03-13T21:01:14Z

a cool experience

jdspensieri @ 2005-01-27T19:26:00

2005-01-28T00:26:31Z

i had a no good, very bad day.

//i forgot my jacket in 15 degreee weather

//engish, nuff said

//moss is giving me a fucking b+ in sat prep. i worked so hard this quarter to get straight As and he, due to his poor planning, can't fit in the final quiz so im left with an 89.

//i got bleach on my pants while cleaning at work

//my hair hurts

//i dont get paid for the painful 2 and half hours of 1st Aid training i did today, and i didnt know that

//all i wanted when i came home was the rossotto i made for myself. my dad ate it

//i walked into my room for some peace to find my brother and mom on my computer after i flipped out about them being on it yesterday

//phillip gets to go on the school ski trip that i was never allowed to go on.

- i dont have a hug.

jdspensieri @ 2005-01-06T20:05:00

2005-01-07T01:05:37Z

Well, Christmas vacation is over and its 7 o’clock on a Thursday night, the first snow day of the year. Excellent.

Vacation went alarming fast. It was probably the fastest a vacation has ever seemed to go by. As we all know, the best part of chirstmas vacation is that joyous occasion on which Juliana was born. A joke, of course, but it was defiantly the best part of vacation for me this year. Bobby and I went into boston around 5. when we got out of the subway, i looked up, and the sky was the most beautiful shade of deep blue i had ever seen. we had dinner at bertucci’s. we split a ricotta and sun dried tomatoes pizza. It was very good. Then we had some time to kill and walked around fanual hall before making our way down to the fleet center. On the way there, we walked past hooters and what else did we see but kris brinch’s hair! Well, at least that’s what I saw. Anyway, kris, dave, chris, andrew, and some other people were in hooters…it was strange yet comical occurrence. We got the the fleet center, went through the security, sat down, and got ready to see the trans-siberian orchestra! To tell you the truth, I was kinda skeptical at first. I wasn’t crazy about their CDs, but after seeing them live I have decided that I am going back every year. It was amazzzzzing. Not to mention the excellent seats we had. They played all of their Christmas stuff along with some Beethoven stuff, and some songs off of their new album. It was a very intense concert. very visual too. at the end, the two lead guitarists came into the audience and went up into the top of the seats. Very very cool. After the concert we hopped a packed train home to oak grove. We were greeted in the parking lot by a nicely decorated version of bobby’s car. The hooters boys had gotten to it, so carved into the frost was a beautiful array of vulgar pictures. Someone wrote happy birthday on my side of the windshield, though. That was nice. We spent a half hour or so at my house, and then bobby went home.
It was a wonderful night.

this is when he came into the audiance, i forgot to turn my flash on so hes all blurry.

ps - leaving a message on someones cell phone at 5:15am is the best.