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[13 Sep 2006|02:46pm] |
aejkrbga;e
sheesh.
we'll see.
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[11 Jul 2006|07:53pm] |
wow. i had the weirdest series of dreams last night. even after a whole day they were still vivid, so i decided it was worth looking up what it all meant.
Hotel
To see a hotel in your dream, signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking.
Vomiting
To dream that you are vomiting, indicates that you need to reject or discard an aspect of your life that is revolting. There are some emotions or concepts that you need to confront and then let go.
Vampire
To see a vampire in your dream, symbolizes seduction and sensuality, as well as fear and death. The vampire represents contrasting images of civilized nobility and aggression/ferocity. It may depict someone in your waking life whose charm may ultimately prove harmful. Deep down inside you know that this person is bad for you, yet you are still drawn to it. Vampires also sometimes relate to decisions about sex and losing your virginity. Alternatively, to see a vampire suggests that you are feeling physically or emotionally drained.
i find this all the be extremely weird and uncomfortably relevant.
dreams are wild.
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[30 Jun 2006|01:08am] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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friggin... raaAAHHH!@
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[27 Feb 2006|09:17pm] |
hey everyone - i just made the past entry friends only because i think that everyone i wanted to see it saw it . if you still want to see it for some reason and dont have a livejournal or arent on my friends list, lemme know.
jd.
EDIT:
Okay, so apparently some people have their panties all up in a bunch over my entry. I think I should clarify a few things that apparently aren’t as clear as I had thought. This entry has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone but ‘the group’. If you don’t know who ‘the group’ consists of, or you not part of ‘the group’, then that means it has nothing to do with you. if it has nothing to do with you, you shouldn’t worry about it. It’s not your ish. I stand by what i said, and I believe what that it was received well by those for whom it was written. I could care absolutely less about anything anyone else does on their free time. I don’t have a problem with drinking at all, & if you party harder than me, then hey that’s great. This entry was about me venting my frustrations with my friends. It was not an attack on society by any means. This entry was also about me letting my friends know how I was feeling. If you’re not my friend, or not a part of that group, then my entry does not pertain to you or what you do in any way. Anyone who was involved or anyone who wanted to talk to me about it (besides those named “anonymous”), I talked to about it. If you have an overwhelming problem with anything I said and you would like to take it up with me, by all means do so, but I am not interested if you remain anonymous.
So, if my entry has nothing to do w/ you, keep doing what you’re doing. Party hard & have fun.
it’s over – chill.
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| Im only putting this in here becuase its something i looked at every dya |
[17 Feb 2006|12:04am] |
TO DO!!!!
- envi sci project?
- photo project on food
- write summary of tv show & assignment on different kinds of anthropologists
- read to page 200something in the d'urbervilles & takes notes to use for SP
- annotated works sited page!!
- start notecards
- 150 word essay for italian on the olympics
- CLEAN ROOM
- get a new bathing suit for cruise
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[13 Feb 2006|09:01pm] |
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mood |
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 surprised |
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i got accepted into New York University's General Studies Program today, and i am very happy.
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[11 Jan 2006|06:57pm] |
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bronchitis, sick.
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[07 Jan 2006|09:53pm] |
i am sick
i sound like death
it's pretty disgusting
when i was reffing today, some very uncouth mother said "is that her voice or is she sick??" right infront of me, so i said "shes sick." what a loser. i hope i made her feel stupid. what if it really was my voice. i shouldda T-ed her up. right. like i can do that.
i am super-stressed because i have so much to do and absolutly no energy.
this sucks.
bye.
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[02 Jan 2006|07:21pm] |
what now.
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[23 Dec 2005|07:30pm] |
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[25 Oct 2005|09:41pm] |
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you have no idea.
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[18 Oct 2005|08:42pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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i've been feeling like crap a lot lately.
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[06 Jul 2005|08:30pm] |
today i worked for 9 hours.
then i had a staff meeting for another 3.
when i woke up this morning and went out to my car, i discovered that i had left my driver's side window completely open.
by the time i got to work not only was every part of me that touched the seat soaking wet,
but my underwear was suctioned to my ass,
as well as a nice wet line across my lap from the seat belt.
yet, for some reason, its not so bad.
why?
because at the staff meeting i got to take a sludge hammer and rip down a wall.
fuck yeah.
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[29 Jun 2005|11:34pm] |
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today i had a very good day.
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| remember those nights |
[23 Jun 2005|07:59pm] |
i am very mixed up.
i don't even know what my feelings are right now, to tell you the truth. sometimes i’m sad, sometimes i’m lonely, sometimes im angry, but a lot of the time i’m just plain confused.
maybe the most confusing part is that i don’t know what im reacting to. im not sure if my feelings are in response to the actions of others towards me, or if they are in reaction to certain realizations im coming upon and having a hard time accepting.
i mean, let's face it, a really big part of my life has changed. i know what you're thinking, "its just a high school relationship", and yes, that is true, but look at it the other way... the person who i've given the most of myself to ever isn't there anymore. well sure, he is technically there, but it isn’t there. you cant explain "it" unless you've had it, and felt it, and it is something that everyone deserves to experience.
as summer rolls around, it reminds me of this time last year. somehow this hyper lanky kid swept me off my feet. he was the first person to ever make me feel that way. he was the first person i never had any doubts about or awkwardness with. he was the first person that ever talked to me on the phone at three in the morning. he was the only person i could never get tired of. he was the best giver of hugs, and the best wiper of tears. he was the only person in the seventeen years of my life who was able to get me to open up. there is, as cliché as it sounds, a part of me that only he had and only he will ever have.
it is very difficult for me to accept that things have changed. on top of the fact that i have a horrible time with change, i guess in the back of my mind i always had this feeling that he'd always be there, even though i knew he wouldn’t. once you become so close and so comfortable with someone it's dead scary to just let it go.
i wish that everything could go back to the way it was before. before it got so serious, before it got so involved, before it got so tense, before it got so...much.
sometimes i just get so ANGRY. angry at so many different things. i get angry at the fact that we aren’t the same people anymore. i get angry at how he can be the person i fell in love with and change in the snap of a finger. i get angry because i cant tell if he's doing certain things to push me away, or if he doesn't know what else to do, or if he doesn’t even know what he's doing. i get angry that our extremes of mature and immature personalities don’t balance each other like they used to. I GET ANGRY because it's easier. while all of these, in addition to a few others, seem valid to me, i do have a very bad tendency to get angry when i can't deal with how much it really does hurt me deep down inside.
i guess from the outside right now it seems like it wouldn't be this difficult. it is.
"sometimes not everything makes sense, juliana". nothing has ever had any sense with him. absolutely nothing. that is maybe part of the reason why i don't know what to do. i haven’t the slightest clue as to what is "best" - such a subjective word. all i know is that i had to get this out. in words, on paper.
yours truly,
juliana
ps. it's okay to let a boy make you cry, it means you felt something.
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